September 2009
8 posts
Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML
way to go texas
you found the chupacabra. i like it.
all of you haters sayin it is the mexican hairless dog can suck it. it’s the real deal. i mean, these guys look nothing alike. come on now..
wiki links for both Xoloitzcuintli and Chupacabra.
what are YOUR thoughts
on people shamelessly using their children for internet laughs? here are some popular examples:
david at the dentist
kid’s got moves
arianna dances to beyonce (i find this one the most offensive, by far)
i have kind of a lot of thoughts on this subject, but i am wondering what other people think. tell me! tell me!
August 2009
48 posts
i love my friends
i was only trying to give it the same consideration caitlin gave the dirty sanchez FML.
a little unsolicited advice
to all you FMLers, less is more. i do not feel for you and your tragic lives when you tell me you are an idiot with your useless grammar and poor story-telling skills. if you want me to care, be better.
does anyone else think
that megan fox is so not hot. i mean, i really, really don’t understand the appeal. and on top of it, she seems to be an arrogant idiot. what am i missing.
Watchlike a gansta. with hair plugs..
potential best headline ever.
“What Britney Spears Can Reveal About Alzheimer’s”
just to reiterate, incase you were unclear, this is an actual headline from today’s news.
Watchthis. is. funny.
Watchlucky for us, we have famous people like julia styles to do good green.
keepin it urban
dictionary, that is. word of the day and little known fact about me.
FLOORDROBE A form of storage for clothing which requires no hangers, drawers, doors or effort. Simply drop on the floor and you have a floordrobe. EX: We have a very stylish colonial-style his and hers walk-on floordrobe at home. (and if you didn’t know me, you wouldn’t know this is a joke. i am the queen of the...
(847): just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: ‘and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame’
thank you yahoo! news
wow, i really appreciate the detailed new formula for making meth, just in case i was getting tired of the old ways.. are these people crazy??! well, just in case you weren’t sure before, this comes straight from the article:
“This is the new formula for methamphetamine: a two-liter soda bottle, a few handfuls of cold pills and some noxious chemicals. Shake the bottle and the volatile...
flip side
Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it’ll be mine because I’m ‘a self-absorbed bitch’. FML
okay, so, i don’t know if you are in fact a self-absorbed bitch, but i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say...
something cool i didn't do
1. swim the english channel. my friend and childhood neighbor, julie galloway, accomplished this feat last week.
2. become a professional athlete. hometown stud brandon allen is now an official member of the mlb arizona diamondbacks. woo-hoo.
(630): Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
really. Really. REALLY? reaLLY? jut jut jut. a special thanks to jimmy and amy for that one.
(405): I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
[is this seriously possible?]
weak sauce
“no, that really is weak sauce. like for real, that sauce is literally weak.” don’t you just love it when that happens?
also of a high quality:
normal sauce (please tell me you know what television show used this. come on, be awesome)
sweet sauce
and [slightly unrelated, but of equal awesomeness] epic fail
“It’s like if The Cosby Show,
mid-season, suddenly became
Married With...”
– on john and kate plus 8. sad, true story man. used to really love that show. now they are totally effed.
hmm. interesting
so, looking at yahoo! news today i saw something different, that apparently isn’t as uncommon as i had thought (still pretty uncommon though). either way, if the story isn’t true, how very sad for the girl in question.
in short: a new female runner has burst onto the scene kicking ass and taking names, and they are accusing her of being a man. test results coming, for now all is...
Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML
“good for nuthing triflin outfits”
– spoken like a true southern woman straight from the mouth of the momma of miss chaitlin america.
Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said “sorry, wrong person.” FML
little known fact [joke].
i’m a big fan of parenthesis.
headline i am least fond of on yahoo! news today (and yes, this means i read yahoo! news everyday and have the chance to catch up on awesome stories such as A and B):
“AIG awards $7 million annual salary to newly-appointed CEO”
go ahead, throw something at the wall, it will make you feel better even if only for a moment
“life is 10 percent circumstance and 90 percent attitude”
– (i personally believe it’s more like 4/96) and this was posted on my fridge as a child, but it is just now really ringing true
question of the day
how do you lose a ship for two weeks in 2009? i’d like a better explanation than this one…
Watchpregnant women are smug. true story.
Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML
